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Read time: 7 minutes
Life changing value: 8/10
Comment at the end and win prizes!
Written by Neville Medhora at Kopywriting Kourse
Lemme tell you about this douchebag I know named Leeching Larry.
The first week I met him, he asked to borrow my car.
The next week he asked me to introduce him to a wealthy friend of mine so he could pitch some stupid business idea.
The week after that he rented his apartment out, and asked to stay at MY place for 7 days…..for free.
I’d had enough. I unsubscribed to his friendship. Everytime he contacted me it was asking for something…..and I got nothing in return.
On the other hand, I have a close friend named Giving Gary.
When I met him, Giving Gary played wingman for me and I ended up meeting this awesome girl.
The first time I had dinner with Giving Gary, we had an invigorating 3 hour conversation that gave me SO many new business ideas!
Giving Gary called me up a week later and invited me to a private gathering of entrepreneurs where I made SO many awesome connections and new friends.
A few weeks later, Giving Gary asked me if I could help him move. I enthusiastically said “HELL YES”!
Giving Gary had already given me so much awesome friendship, and so many connections and ideas that I was super willing to help my FRIEND with whatever he needed.
By the way…..after helping him move, he even treated me to a fancy steak dinner.
Giving Gary is one helluva guy!
In the marketing world however, people turn into THAT douchebag Leeching Larry:
“How do I raise my prices?”
“How do I double my email list quickly?”
“How do I increase my website traffic?”
“How do I get people to pay me more money?”
“How do I build a big business so I don’t have to work?”
Geez….no wonder so many people never build a successful business! They’re being selfish assholes and not trying to help others!
Making money is about giving value to someone else.
If YOU give someone valuable things, THEY will reward you.
And the same principle applies to your email list signup forms!
SO instead let’s flip all these questions around, and ask them like Giving Gary would ask them.
For example:
This giving mentality is how a true long term friendship works, and it’s how growing your email list and business works too. People sign up (or buy) from people they like and trust.
So when it comes down to write a line for your SumoMe email popup, you can easily figure out the best line to write by asking, “How can I HELP people and offer something valuable to them like Giving Gary??”
Ohhhh, let’s do some examples!!
Here’s what douchebag Leeching Larry would write. Probably something really selfish and un-inspiring like this:
Now how can we flip this like Giving Gary? Perhaps by giving away something really helpful to your audience? Maybe something like……
Now we’re talking! But let’s even further and tell them how valuable this resource is so they totally want it and wouldn’t miss it for the world:
There….you see how we spiced this up?
…we told them what they’re getting.
……we showed them why it’s so valuable.
……..we’re gonna show them how they can use it.
We can even make our signup forms MORE compelling and add in some of that good ole charm and personality! You’d almost HAVE to signup if you saw this fun offer:
Today I present you the gift of the Giving Gary Framework.
Every email you send, every Call To Action you write, every sales page you send people to……can be positively affected by thinking like Giving Gary. People like being helped, so help them!
Think about it, which of these two dudes are you more likely to subscribe to and buy from??
LEECHING LARRY: “Buy my product and give me money.”
-vs-
GIVING GARY: “This tool will help you get more signups on your page, let me show you how…”
LEECHING LARRY: “My email list is the best, you should signup.”
-vs-
GIVING GARY: “I want to give you a free mini-course about Kopywriting, what email address can I send it to?”
LEECHING LARRY:“You need to buy this product to make more money…”
-vs-
GIVING GARY: “I just found a tool that helps me predict which article will get the most traffic, let me SHOW you how to use it step-by-step….it’s made me so much money these past few months.”
Starting to see the difference in mentality?
I could easily give you some cheesy formulas to write headlines and Calls To Action with…but these only work in certain situations, and are hard to repeat every single time. For example, here’s a nice little headline formula I like using sometimes:
With this specific formula we could concoct a headline like this:
[Get higher email signups] + [with only 5 minutes of work] + [even if you have low traffic to your website]
Not bad huh?
But these kind of formulas are small tactics and gimmicks compared to the Giving Gary framework of thinking.
And to make sure this Giving Gary mentality is embedded in you, I have some SumoWork for you, and I’ll totally make it worth your while 😉
(I love how adding a winky face makes that sentence sound so dirty)!
STEP 1) Eat a 7,000 calorie Sumo meal for breakfast.
STEP 2) Write a Giving Gary type headline that will give people awesome stuff for your List Builder, Scroll Box, or Smart Bar. Write it in the comments .
BONUS POINTS if you write your previous Leeching Larry Call to Action, and your new Giving Gary call to action.
STEP 3) I am giving away a free NevBox (worth $97) to three commenters in the comments. I will ship the NevBox to you anywhere in the world for free. So comment now and you might win (See, I’m even pulling a Giving Gary on you RIGHT NOW)!!!
It’ll be awesome to see all the comments from everyone!
Sincerely,
Your Brown Sumo Friend – Neville Medhora
P.S. I’ll be writing another piece for this Email1K series. Keep an eye out for my brown face in your inbox. It might be slightly offensive, but it’ll teach you well my dear fatass Sumoling 🙂
P.P.S. Go comment now with your new Giving Gary call to action and you could win a free NevBox delivered to you anywhere in the world!
Set up SumoMe’s List Builder tool on your site to be a Giving Gary. The lightbox popover can be customized to automatically popup after a certain amount of time, or you can use our smart mode to ask your visitors to subscribe when we think they’re getting ready to leave your
website.
Leeching Larry-sign up for the creative economy newsletter now!
Giving Gary-i have gathered information from many artists on ways they get their name and works out. These methods have lead to making money from their art. Let me their methods with you.
Nice one Damien! You can maybe even shorten it (if needed) to something like:
“Learn how great artists make money from their art. I will send you 3 examples by email”
-Neville
I’m currently using: “Get 33 free marketing templates”
Hmmm…maybe you can elaborate?
“Get 33 of the top performing marketing funnels from the last 5 years”
-Neville
I’ll experiment with that, thanks Neville.
My Leechy Larry List Builder Message wasn’t “too leechy” 🙂
“Join now for a Free Useletter ”
Giving Gary:
Get the Dirt! Join the Bikenridge Useletter
Signup today for FREE Monthly Useletter and be the first to get notification of useful tips, new trail maps, women’s riding clinics, interesting & silly blogs and the latest on Breckenridge dirt!
Awesome Courtney, maybe you can even shorten it to make it more punchy:
“Get new trail maps, women’s riding clinics, interesting & silly blogs and the latest on Breckenridge dirt!”
I just love your stuff, I could read it for ever. I agree with you, the point is to help people and solve there problems. Everything else will follow 🙂
Thank you!
Solving people’s big problems = big money.
Download free blog stat tracker. But I can change it to “want to track your blog stats as they climb higher and higher? Download the blog stat tracker today.”
Ohh that might be more interesting!
Unless people are already searching for your tool, then just saying “Download blog stat tracker for free” would probably work reasonably well.
Hi Neville, thank you for the lesson! Loved how you used storytelling to explain the concept, and I’ll definitely be using your headline formula in the future.
Here’s what I have right now:
Get Your Free Facebook Cover Photo Template
Grab your free Facebook Cover Photo template and create awesome designs in no time!
Cheers,
A.
Thanks Adomas, glad you liked!
Maybe tell some more interesting stuff about it? Like:
“Download this free Facebook Cover Photo templates that’s proven to get 30% more clicks”
My Leechy Larry headline from before —
TITLE: Sign Up for the Von Blanco Fitness Newsletter!
TEXT: Join hundreds of subscribers and get exclusive content I don’t share anywhere else.
My current Giving Gary headline —
TITLE: Want No-BS Fitness Tips?
TEXT: Sign up for the VBF newsletter and get exclusive flexible dieting strategies and workout tips I don’t share anywhere else. Oh, plus you get a FREE download of my Fitness Simplified Guide 🙂
What do you guys think?
Maybe add in a “benefit” or value in their, rather than just the features of “flexible dieting strategies and workout tips”. So, “flexible dieting strategies and workout tips that will help you…“
Much better! My suggestion would be something like:
TEXT: “I want to give you exclusive dieting strategies and workout tips I don’t share anywhere else. I also want to send you a free Fitness Simplified Guide. What email address can I send it to?”
You guys are great, thanks for the tip!
Leeching Larry: “Sign up for my email list to get notifications on new products and discounts”
Giving Gary: Get INSPIRED, Get FREE STUFF and AWESOME DISCOUNTS! Doesn’t that sound WONDERFUL!?
Thanks for the tips!
xo
Deanna
Hey Deanna, while it might increase signups….it unfortunately it sounds really generic.
Can you maybe say ONE specific thing they’re getting free?
GG: I have uncovered hundreds of riveting, brain-twisting murder mysteries that’ll keep you glued to your chair, scratching your head, trying to figure out whodunit. Let me take you into a world of murder & mystery. Download your free murder mystery short stories now.
LL: Buy cheap but fun to read murder mysteries by famous authors.
(My LL call to action isn’t very good … not really sure how to make this about me. I guess momma raised me right … to think of others’ needs first. At least I hope so!)
Oh man, GREAT improvement Rich! Definitely NevBox worthy 🙂
Leeching Larry: “Sign up for the newsletter to receive new tips weekly”
Giving Gary: “Become a Power Studier with my Free Study Habits Goal Setting, Tips and Tricks PLUS Accountability Calendar! Even if you’ve always struggled to stay in top of your schoolwork in the past, this FREE packet will turn your academic life around in just 30 days. Tell me where to send it to, so you can get stated right away. “
Oh wow Kerri, now THAT sounds pretty compelling.
Possibly NevBox worthy!
Leechy headline: “Free Gardening Tips Newsletter”
Giving headline: “FREE REPORT REVEALS THE 5 (DIRT CHEAP) TOOLS I USE TO GROW 22 TYPES OF HEIRLOOM TOMATOES (INCLUDING MY SECRET SOIL BOOSTER)”
Great improvement Dave! Lemme know how it works
I’m sorry my English is not good but I want to try.
My message is.
“3 free files to increase your income by 250% of any product or service in 30 days or less. (Even without being an expert)”
En español sería así:
“3 archivos gratuitos para incrementar tus ingresos en un 250% de cualquier producto o servicio en 30 días o menos. (aun sin ser un experto)”
regards
Yup, that’s a pretty compelling giveaway! Thanks for sharing Israel!
Original:
Consuming Classical Music
Sign up for my free newsletter today and learn how you should be consuming classical music…
Revised:
Grow your live music experience this weekend using tools you already have.
The technology in your phone, car and computer shares music in short bursts, but it cannot replace the live experience. Learn how music videos and tracks can enhance your participation in music.
Better! Not amazing, but better
original: sing up and receive 20 affilite tools
New one:
The best 20 affiliate tools that make your life more esay, profitable… ¡and fun! what email adrees can I send you?
I’d be happier if it wasn’t affiliate stuff 🙂
Original: I want updates on Wigl!
New: Have your kid learning songs in under 5 minutes even if they’ve never played an instrument before!
That’s a night & day difference. So much more value in the new one, I’m tempted to sign up myself!
SO much better!
Original: Join my email list today and receive a complimentary ebook.
New: What email can I send your special offer to?
You’ll receive a personalized welcome email from me with an invitation to select a complimentary ebook or cover blurb/query critique.
Good try, but can you make it a bit less confusing?
Change like 5 of my call to actions.
There are all in Spanish, but here’s one:
First: Join to get new articles and create a independent life of purpose.
NOW: Create your freedom even when you don’t know your passions. ¡Get new emails!
Great stuff here.
What if you made it even MORE compelling:
“Use this free checklist to find your passions if you don’t know them yet. What email address can I send it to?”
In the same spirit as “Giving Gary” I’d like to share my compelling sales scoreboard template I created in Google Spreadsheet for anyone interested in a simple way to set sales goals based on leading and lagging indicators. It helped me as a small business CEO to set clear goals and start focusing on what I needed to in order to grow my company sales over 100%. You can reach me at justin.thomas@crosscomm.net happy to help if anyone is interested.
1.) That was lame self promotion.
2.) That was super-lame messaging. Waaaay too buzzwordy and vague.
Leeching Larry— “Sign up for news and updates”
Giving Gary—
Headline:”Start your career off right.”
Text: “Sign up and receive Office Prep’s Career Fair Action Plan. A brief document giving the points you need to know in order to stand out amongst the crowd.”
Much better. I think it could still use some improvement like:
“Here’s a brief document giving the points you need to know so you can better job, without begging like 1,000’s of others at a job fair.”
Original: Newsletter! Sign up today for free and be the first to be notified of new releases and more!
New: Let’s Keep in Touch! Newsletter subscribers receive exclusive content and are first notified of new releases! Enter your email address today so you don’t miss out!
I know it still needs work ….. but I’ll get there!
Def still needs work.
Can you tell me something SPECIFIC they get? It’s just soooo generic that it means nothing.
BIG & BOLD:
“How To DOUBLE Your Small Business’ Profits In 11 Months Or Less…”
SUBHEAD:
“WITHOUT Spending Your Life At The Office, And EVEN IF You Don’t Know The First Thing About Growing A Business!
Enter Your Best Email Address Below To Discover These Little-Known Secrets… FREE!”
It’s decent, but it sounds scammy and fake.
Can you tell me something SPECIFIC they’ll be getting?
To tell you the truth, I’ve been doing great financially. However I was spending 8 hours soaking glaring computer screen that made my eyes feel like I rubbed them with chilli paste. Not to mention I was flexible as 4 by 4 wood. Finally I got myself into simple, easy routine that cut my hours down and keep the quality and quantity of my content. I’d like to share it with you and give you the gift of extra time you can use for paddling, knitting or building sand castles.
Where can I send it to?
[email]
hahahah, I guess this is so unique it would work 🙂
Discover the Top 10 Apps and Tools of Productivity Pros
What makes the productivity pros so good at getting things done? It starts with the apps and tools they use – and now you can use those too!
Discover the one app that has given the productivity pros an unfair advantage over everyone else for years!
Find out about the one tool that will reduce all distractions (including people) while you’re working.
Learn about the one WEIRD “tool” that gives you a next-level (400-500%) jump in productivity once you start using it.
These all sound very internet-markety.
Can you maybe give away something juicier than “one tool”?
That’s not that compelling of a giveaway.
Maybe like:
“Are you a lazy ass like I was? Signup and I’ll send you a 7-day productivity makeover.”
Old: How I Got 20k Views on Medium in 2 Days
Join up for weekly writing goodness.
New: Who is reading your writing? See How I Got 20k Views on Medium in 2 Days
Just join up for weekly writing goodness. Plus get mad discounts on books you’ll love.
Better. Not great. But better.
Can you maybe make:
“The ulitmate guide to hacking your way onto Medium and getting 20,000 visitors”
Thanks for the great article!
Leeching Larry:
“Be The First To Know!
Sign up today for free updates and be the first to get notified about everything Death Grip Clothing.”
Giving Gary:
“What email address can I send a 50% off code to?”
I hand print every t-shirt in my store. Check one out for yourself!”
Now THAT’s a great offer!
Leeching Larry:
Title: Take Action Now.
Body: I work with businesses growing online – specifically coaches, healers, and teachers who want to create more clients and earn more money online. If that’s you, subscribe below and you’ll be the first to know when we launch!
Giving Gary:
Title: I Want To Give You My No-BS Guide To Creating Systems That Work
Body: You’re a health coach, and you’re tired of all the technology overwhelm… Between spending 6 months figuring out wordpress, to emailing your clients back and forth just to schedule a free call. I know it’s frustrating, I’ve been there.
That’s why I’m going to give you my No-BS guide to creating the technology systems you need in your business.
This has taken me over 2 years to figure out and refine… and I made it so that you and I could spend more time doing what we love – changing lives through coaching.
Subscribe below and you’ll immediately receive my guide in your inbox, along with a toolkit to help you get started ASAP (say goodbye to confusion, procrastination, and overwhelm because this toolkit kicks butt)!
WAY better Katya!
Let me show you how to send 100s of emails – each one automatically customized to the recipient! And it’s free!
Good…I think. Hard to tell out of context what your business is 🙂
Previously:
Headline: Sign up for New Inventory Alerts
Body: We’ll send you a 20% off coupon
Now:
Headline: Get First Dibs on the Good Stuff – and 20% OFF your first purchase
Body: Sign up and we’ll send you a Discount Code that you can use right away.
PLUS, we’ll start sending customized email alerts when we add new inventory (every Monday & Thursday) so you can get “first dibs” on your favorite brands, like Gap, Gymboree, Hanna Andersson, Tea Collection, Justice, Matilda Jane & Mini Boden.
Better!
You COULLDD try to say something like (depending on how your business works);
“We get new shipments to our warehouse every week. We blast out the best deals to our newsletter subscribers before they hit the website. Make sure to signup!”
Not to toot my own horn (I’m really tooting yours) – but my subscription rate has jumped from 5%-7% to 10.84% yesterday and 11.5% today. That’s over 100 new subscribers every day! Best, most actionable advice I’ve ever gotten with immediate results. Thank you.
Before: Join the Live/Lead/Love newsletter list.
After: Let me help you power up your personal and professional relationships with my free video class, “5 Secrets of Exceptional Executive Presence.” Join the Lead/Live/Love tribe today, and let these videos change your life!
WAY better Irina! Awesome job giving something great
NevBox worthy
I’m skipping step #1 – eating the 7,000 calorie breakfast!
Leeching – Help me get to 100,000 subscribers!
Giving –
Be a part of the growing community to learn how others engage in random acts of kindness to make the world a better place and how YOU can have lasting impact on others!
Get share insights from the leaders in change in the areas of personal growth, physical well being, “doable” actions to help the community around you and beyond!
Be the first to know about causes that you can impact and see the results in a measurable way!
Share with others how you have been touched, motivated and inspired by others!
Once a month a subscriber will be drawn to have lunch with Johnny Depp and Beyonce!
Thank you so much Neville! Now that Giving Gary is stuck in my head, i shall ditch Leeching Larry for eva! It used to be: Sign up to my mailing list and get your free 5day Beauty Course! Yeah it sucks, i know! But now it sounds like this: Get clear skin within 7 days even if you have acne your entire life. Just tell me where to send it.
Here’s what I’ve been using: “Get a free PDF with 10 resources I use every day to grow my business”
Looking to add a different giveaway, so it would look something like this: “What email address can I send my free 50 page ebook to? I’ve been perfecting it for over a year, and you can use it to start turning your art into a business immediately!”
Would love any feedback from artists out there looking to grow their business and capitalize on their art.
Good, but maybe clean it up a bit. Stuff like “50 pages” is irrelevant.
I’ve kept a list of tools that help grow my art business. I’ve been perfecting this list for over a year. Download it (for free) and turn your art into a businsess also!”
Previously: none yet!! :-/
the Giving Gary signup:
Take Control of Your Time and Energy!
For a limited time only, I’m making available my PERSONAL file of tactics and strategies that I used to wake up early everyday and turn my life around! Start improving your life in only SIX MINUTES A DAY.
Where do I send it?
Box: I’m ready!
Leeching Lary: “Submit Your Best Email For Weekly Updates Directly To Your Inbox”
Giving Gary: “Get Your FREE Resource Guide With My Top 5 Tips To Reach Your Goals THIS YEAR. (3 of them will shock you)
Leeching Lary CTA – “Want to know more, contact me today!”
Giving Gary CTA (to be implemented in the next rebuild) – “Want some FREE SEO advice? Howz about a some FREE online marketing tips I’ve picked up over the last couple of years? Drop me a line, and I’ll give you the hook up!”
Was using: Why Is Work-Life Balance Harmful To Your Health?
Now Using: I’d Like To Send You A Free Copy Of “Why Work-Life Balance Is Harmful To Your Health.”
with subscript: This quick guide tells you why “Work-Life Balance” is a myth, how it can harm your health and what to do instead!
Great post Neville!
Thanks Kevin!
Could you perhaps give them a BENEFIT of the download? Something specific Like:
“Here’s a quick guide that shows how to have a better family life by balancing your work and life. I show the 7 tools I use to do this myself.”
LMAO — Neville you had me PEGGED. I had installed the bar at the top of my site – but hadn’t practiced what I applied on my pop up (DUH)!
So my old drop down was — “Join our newsletter: — GUILTY as charged cal me Leeching Laura
The new one now says ” Download my personal 1-Page Marketing Plan” — not great, but better 🙂 Will noodle on some short but powerful statements.
So – I’m ready – GIMME that most awesome bonus DUDE (oh — is that me LEECHING again?)
OK — so I’ve been raving about this program to anyone who will listen — great stuff guys.
Ha, Leeching Laura!
The improvement is great, even though it’s a short & sweet message.
You might wanna show what benefit they get, like:
“Download my personal 1-Page Marketing Plan that helped my company go from 4 employees to 120”
BRILLIANT — love it!
This is a great article! I’ve been trying to get my company’s copy to be more “Giving Gary” than “Leeching Larry”
Leech: “Join Thrively for Free”
Giving: “Discover your child’s strengths with our 20 minute assessment or confirm what you already know” with supporting testimonial: “In this day and age where kids are expected to make sports and activity choices at a young age that will then be their ONLY sport or activity, I adore Thrively. It could help guide kids to something that they will not only be good at, but love.”-Holly Homer, Kids Activities Blog + Mom
Hahaha….anything would be better than that original Leeching Larry statement!
Prior to reading your article: “Let me know if you need any assistance with your [audio] project.”
After reading your article: “I’d love to help you with your [audio] project! Check out my demo reels and then let me help you make your project sound fantastic.”
That’s a bit better Raphael!
Can you specify HOW you will make their project sound fantastic? Maybe, “I will share my personal .PSD files with you so you can copy them”
….just be more specific
Here are my new headline and caption:
Like free games?
Signup today for free and be the first to get notified on our newest releases!
(I had the default text before).
Thanks for the chance to get a NevBox and although it sounds awesome, don’t count me in: Customs in Argentina is a pain in the nether regions and I’d hate to take some else’s opportunity.
Cheers!
Hey Eduardo, maybe you can beef it up even more?
“Life free games? We send test games to our email subscribers, enter your email address to be the first to play!”
This is my CTA: Learn internet marketing wisdom AND get my link building tool for FREE!
Here’s what the SumoMe popup looks like: http://screencast.com/t/K2K2x7pyR
Feedback is welcomed.
Hmmm…
Just saying “Internet Marketing Wisdom” is very vague.
You can maybe just give away the link building tool, and describe WHAT IT CAN DO FOR THEM.
Before – https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/11233942/Screenshot%202014-10-30%2014.49.48.png
After – https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/11233942/Screenshot%202014-10-30%2014.59.42.png
http://www.canadawell.com
I actually don’t think that the one before was all that bad. I changed it and made it a little more fun and more focused on the customer.
Thanks for the great post. I got your Kopywriting ebook awhile back when it was a Sumo deal and I still use it. I made a checklist in Google Docs that I use each time I am writing copy.
Hahhaha….at first I thought it was too much text, but the uniqueness of it made me actually read it.
That’s all that matters, hope it’s converting better!
Leeching Larry
Buy my 21 day meditation program.
Giving Gary
Tired of fighting with your thoughts?
Let me show you the tips and tricks I’ve learned from some of the world’s best meditation teachers – for free.
(happy to hear any improvements)
Love this post Neville – your stuff is always right on the money
Nice upgrade Kathy! Very NevBox worthy example
was: Connect with me!
now: I care about my health, do you? I would like to share my health tips with you, FREE!
Please tell me where to send my free newsletter.
Can you be more specific?
I am commenting here to get that nevbox so that I can improve my subscribers blog.
Nice try homedawg 😉
No NevBox for you!
I WANT THE NEVBOX!
LL: Without this money-making info, you’ll continue to see yourself as a sellout… without selling OUT!
GG: Become a natural, authentic self-promoter in one day with this free report – even if you hate “selling”
Hmmm….decent upgrade.
Still a lot of buzzwords though :-/
Leeching Larry: FOLLOW THESE PUCKERS! For all you fellow hooligans who want to keep up with what we do next, keep in touch and be the first to know about all the shenanigans we get into and how you can join! Sign up now!
Giving Gary: LEARN 3 WAYS TO DO CAT EYES IN UNDER 5 MINUTES EVEN IF YOU HAVE AN UNSTEADY HAND. A quick video referencing the products and techniques I use to get three not crooked, high fashion cat eye look with ease. What email can I send this to?
If that’s what your peeps are coming for then they’ll love it!
I completely agree with the giving Gary mindset. I hate people who just take and will cute them from my life. I try to give as much as I can and be around people who do the same.
Awesome Yu
I am in the process of launching a cold email campaign to attorneys to grow my internet marketing business and I found today’s email right on point. Instead of saying pay me I will help you, my entire focus is on what service I can provide.
For example, instead of writing “I can increase your keyword rankings” I attached a screenshot of keywords that the firm would benefit from being ranked for and showed the PPC cost. They can see the traffic and understand the value of my offering. Sure, this takes about 5-10 minutes more but I am investing effort into focusing on the people I reach out to and hopefully will see increased results.
My entire email tone is designed around the benefit the firm will receive. Steve Chandler has some amazing audio books where he emphasizes this point. Also This Book Will Teach You How To Write Better is an amazing resource, written by Neville.
As far as my newsletter sign up I titled it “Join my newsletter and recieve 8 lessons I learned from working at a successful criminal defense law firm”.
I sure could use a NevBox for some inspiration 🙂
Good points Jarrett! It’s always better to just show them real examples instead of abstract concepts.
Giving Gary
SmartBar: Like to Laugh? Have a Free Laugh With My Comedy Video – Then Enjoy VIP Access to my world of Comedy!
Leeching Gary
SmartBar:Give Me Your Email!
Hahahha, much better Adam!
my new headline and message:
headline: Oh My Gumby! I get all this stuff just for joining the email newsletter?
message: – free how-to-write-music lesson
(You don’t need to know how to write musical notation!)
– 12-page eBooklet that shares my 5 Simple Secrets to Fun Practice
The eBooklet includes:
4 different practice methods you can use to vary your daily practice and keep it humming;
what to include when creating your own practice room;
how to keep a practice journal and why;
finding the right time of day to practice
You’ll be playing more and having fun doing it with these practice tips. And Bonus! You’ll be writing melodies just using numbers and the alphabet. How cool is that?!
the old message is:
headline: Make Musical Motifs with Math and Letters
message: Join my free newsletter and learn this unique and entertaining way to make music!
Do you think I need to offer more than just those two pieces?
Oh wow Mary, this is SO much better! Very NevBox worthy 🙂
Since I have an ecommerce site I can’t give out anything for free, (at least not yet) however I’d like to offer 20% off To All Newletter Subscriber’s First Purchase and send them Notifications Of Special Savings on Their Newsletters. I’m interested in receiving the NevBox because I get the feeling that it is going to teach me a lot of things including “How To Have The Giving Gary Mentality.”
Beware of simply offering 20% for no reason. You might wanna test this for a week and see how it goes.
It will probably positively effect your email growth, but maybe negative your sales
This is the most practical and exciting lesson I have had this week. Since I’ll be launching an audiobook to my already published book, here is my new HEADLINE and Message:
You can become the leader your family deserves
“Here is your resource kit that shows you the 6 transformational steps even if you’re struggling a parenting” (PS. Just got an idea! Since my book is on Amazon, I could have an auto-responder with a short video introduction to the book. My plan is to give some free audiobooks for the launch)
This was what is currently up for my email sign-up:
Sign up to receive my blog updates via email and get a FREE eBook guide to my NEW book ‘Down But Not Out’
Oh you flatter-er you 😉
Your new CTA is WAAAAYYY better than the last, great job Kimunya!
This is definitely one of the best article I have read about copy writing and marketing in general. Loved it.
Oh snap, thanks for the kind words Mil!
Thank you for all the information!
No problem Lina!
Here’s my new pitch:
Title: Fill your child’s life with creativity and wonder!
Copy: Want to raise thoughtful and imaginative kids? Take 5 seconds to subscribe to our free newsletter and each month you’ll receive 8 creative activities delivered straight to your inbox.
That’s cool Ana, something I will be interested in..
Ohh this is pretty good Ana, very nice!
Get My Personal Blueprint for Writing Your First Non-Fiction Book
Not bad Nancy!
Pingback: Lesson 6 | Email1K: Double your Email list in 30 days
Heading: STOP REINVENTING THE WHEEL AND WASTING TIME
Main text: Join us to get a free PT guide, $20 off Bar Essays, and first look at new insights.
Good
It was a nice article, Nev
Why thank you Frici!
Giving Gary
Headline: Learn How to Make a Real Tiramisu Italiano Dessert
Sub-header: And Get a Free PDF of Top 10 Must-Have Kitchenware for Couples
CTA: I’M IN!
Leeching Larry
Headline: Free PDF Reveals Top 10 Must-Have Kitchenware for Amateur Chefs
Sub-header: Get FREE Cheat-Sheet to Save Time & Effort while Cooking
CTA: Download Now
Both of them are decent!
Title: Get 5 Tips to Help YOU Become a Stronger Runner!
Body: Join our free newsletter and learn great tips that will help you become a stronger, happier runner…
Maybe:
“I want to send you my personal running tips every week. Within 2 weeks you’ll be a better runner. What email address can I send these too?”
Title: Learn about Houston, real estate, and life’s little mysteries.
Body: Join over 570 other people each month for a newsletter I make about real estate, good events around town, and some non sequiturs. I’d love to hear what you think!
It’s still kinda about you.
Maybe:
“Signup to the email list to get listings before the rest of the internet.”
Title: Learn more about happiness – for free!
Body: Be happier by learning to leave your comfort zone – step by step.
This has been my line from the beginning. I have no free content to give away (yet), but I am working on it. I’m planning a guide on Googling, to which I might add some fun little Google easter eggs, which I will give away as a PDF for signing up.
Yeah before you’ll get a lot of people signing up, you’ll have to deliver the goods. Get cracking on some super content!
Updated it!
Title:
Where should I send your free copy of my ebook to?
Body:
“How to google – the Ultimate Guide to finding everything!” is the last guide on Google you will ever read, guaranteed.
Retail price for this ebook is $20, but I want to meet you out of my comfort zone – so just sign up and get it for free!
This offer only lasts for the first 100 subscribers, so be quick!
Fantastic tips.
Think about the other person want is the first law of nateworking
If you want to impact in you audience always think how you can help them
Regards
Javier
Thanks Javier!
(I run a blog for Millenials with ADHD.)
Before: Get yourself on our email list
Subhead: We only send the kind of stuff worth getting distracted by.
CTA: Sign me up!
After: Become besties with your brain by learning its wonderful ways (even if you’ve only struggled up til now)
Subhead: Everything we’re learning about ADHD we want to pass along so you don’t have to re-invent the wheel. We post fun stuff on social media, but we send the exclusive nitty-gritty to your inbox.
CTA: Distract me via email!
Nice upgrade, but maybe you can give them something more specific?
“I want to send you a morning routine that has helped calm my ADHD for three years”
I found this really useful! I have been fixing my copy for over 2 years now, and this really pushed it one level up!
It’s time to add this to my list builder!
THANKS SO MUCH!
Oh snap, glad to have been such a help Huda!!
My new ‘Giving Gary’ copy … I didn’t actually have anything before 🙂
Want to boost your business without wasting time?
Add your best email below for early-bird access to step-by-step instructions…
Free mini-course on Facebook landing pages
Update one setting in MailChimp in about 10 minutes to save $300
Cheat sheet with customer interview and email templates
Worked on me, Brian!
Before:
BUT WHAT DO I EAT?!
Find out what to put into your mouth (and more!) by subscribing to my free newsletter. I got your back on health. Seriously. Trust fall?
After:
Let me teach you the most important thing I have learned in my 5 years of studying nutrition.
Nutrition is a tricky web to navigate, but let me share with you one lesson that has literally changed my life. It’s a quick and powerful read that I am stoked to give it to you!
Thank you for the post, it was fun AND helpful – double win!!
I just did it for my SumoMe email pop-up. I let all my visitors know all the work i put on each newsletter so they don’t have to do it 🙂
hey, I just wanted to let a hello here, cause you guys are doing so much love to us, and I so appreciate!
… forgot to post my exercise her:
Larry would say:
“Join the Mind Ftiness Club today and figure out how much you can get with bla bla la”
Gary says:
“Our Mind Fitness workouts will give you a boost of energy in just first 5 days” or
“Let us help you to resolve your stressfull day to day and transform it into a powerful life!”
oh yes, and in addition I love the idea of the physical NevBox with real letters (are they perfumed? :-))
cheers,
Nadja
I’ve just spent a lot of time tracking down what makes Ho Chi Minh City an amazing place to visit and I’m not finished yet. I’m super excited when I get to spread the word about all the great things I discover. Sign up today to be the first to receive my insider tips on everything Awesome in Saigon. It’s FREE!
The old one:
21 Spectacular Slow-Carb Soup Recipes for the 4 Hour Body
Join my list to see these as well as 10 more recipes sent directly to your inbox.
The new one:
Here are 21 Spectacular Slow-Carb Soup Recipes for the 4 Hour Body
I want to show you these soup recipes as well as send you my 10 exclusive-to-members recipes (including my favorite chili and a slow-carb pizza!). Where should I send them?
Great post that does not just apply to business and the web, but to life.
Also, you’re simple headline generation graphic nails it. Nice.
-Download a list of my favorite Overcoming objections that I used when I first started Selling insurance!
-You’ll get 10 tips to change your thinking to have you selling like a pro in no time!
-WHAT! You thought that was it NOPE! You can also have my 10 page guide on how to prospect in the right market and get you off to the right start.
I’m dying to send this to you what email should I expedite this info to.
Hey Neville – Thanks for this email. Learnt something valuable from it. Below are my examples:
Leeching Larry says:
“Sign up for this mailing list and get 1 free track for your videos”
Giving Gary says:
“We help bring videos to life by adding beautiful music to them. Ever wondered why some videos are watched repeatedly and some turned off within a few seconds? Music sets 90% of the overall mood that keeps the viewers attention prolonged. We can help you with the finest music for your videos, just put in your email address and we’ll send you a few free tracks that you need!”
Great hook
As Zig Ziglar would say ;
“You can get all you what you want in your life if you help enough people get what they want.”
As Zig Ziglar said;
“You can all you want in your life if you
Help enough people get what they want.”
I have just become a giving Gary by creating an 8000 word guide on creating an ebook http://www.ebooksbyjamie.com and giving it away for free
Now what I’m so much Leeking Larry right now, kind of in a financial trouble I want to start my business and get my blog running and the only drive I really got is “How am I gonna make of you bucks out of it”;
I’m so out of it, let’s get back to the “Can’t Stop Help Others” guy I was, I was so much more successful back there and I can stop wondering why !
So what can I do for you guys?!
Hi Neville!
I’m still working on getting lead capture onto my site, but I think a Giving Gary headline would go a little something like:
Get a Free Yoga Session with my Wake-Up Morning Workout
Energize and prepare for your day- in less than 10 minutes!
Thanks!
Leaching Larry: Join Our Newsletter.
Giving Gary: Subscribe for free content and updates.
We are a (mostly Asian) recipes food blog
Leaching Larry: “Never miss a recipe! Subscribe to get weekly email newsletters.”
Giving Gary: “Asian sauce brands to avoid (and a list of recommended brands) to fill your Asian pantry.”
Leeching Larry: Sign up now to receive updates on Shannon’s new single!
Giving Gary: I wanna give you my new single when it’s out! For free! Where should I send it to? 🙂
Leeching Lary: “Subscribe to our newsletter and never miss a thing!”
Giving Gary: “What email address can I send you a cheat sheet on how to match your outfit and hairdo with your jewelleries on any occasion?”
Leeching Larry: Please subscribe to my Youtube channel
Giving Gary: My goal is that the next time you walk into a room everyone does a double take. Follow along with me in this 2 minute video and you’ll come out with everything you need to know to recreate this flawless look guaranteed to turn heads, even if you’re starting with no knowledge and skin that is less than perfect.
LEECHING LARRY: Sign up for our email newsletter (I can’t believe this even attracted the 11 followers I had!)
GIVING GARY: Want to learn how to stay resilient and healthy in ministry? It all starts with the prayer that you’ll be directed to once you enter your email address…
Still… I’m not sure that’s enough giveaway… What do you think?
Neil
My List Builder
LEAPING LARRY
Join Our Farm Newsletter
Signup today for free to receive updates about Dr. Maze’s Farm
(In my defense, I just put it up and hadn’t gotten to working on it. Did get one sign up though.)
GIVING GARY
It’s great that you have found our farm. There will be lots going on this year.
Don’t let slip by a chance to enjoy
a day a the farm.
You will want to check out our Lavender Celebration, Pumpkin Patch Opening, Sunflower-Corn Maze, and more fun stuff to do.
You will get to read about the behind-the-scenes activity and the latest happenings down on the farm.
You may learn about farming, mazes and activities, shearing alpacas, essential oil distillation, pumpkin decorating, keeping worms, blending tea, or whatever else I am working on at the moment. If you don’t want to miss out, you had better sign up.
Sign up now to receive our free newsletter
(i don’t (yet) sell on line. I’m working on getting people to come to the farm and spend money here.)
My Smartbar
LEAPING LARRY
Actually, I don’t remember what I had here. I should have written it down.
GIVING GARY
Farm Events, News, & Stories! Sign up now for all the latest
(Not much room if I keep it to one line.)
I could not agree with you more. I have always given more than I needed to. Business is built on good relationships. That way there is a bakers dozen, buy 12 and get 13.
Hi I´m From Brazil.
In Portuguese we say
Leechy Larry
Assine Já nossa Newsletter
Sign Up now our newsletter!
Giving Gary:
Eu vou ajudar você a vender mais com 5 dicas infalíveis
I´ll Help you to sell more with 5 incredble tips.
my bests
(abraços)
Find your One-Thing and lazer-focus your dreams!
Learn actionable steps — Get inspired — Join our family of top 1% achievers. And start kicking ass!
Thanks for the great content. It’s evident that you follow you own advice… emails from you are some of the few that I will flag to read later since I know the content is valuable. My new Giving Gary message:
20 Small Website Changes to Make Your Customers Love You No Matter What Size Budget You Have.
Leaching Larry: Sign up now for superfood news [Subscribe]
Giving Gary:
Free Smoothie Recipe eBook
Make delicious, super-nutritious superfood smoothies quickly and easily with these tasty recipes. Get your free recipe eBook now! [Yes Please]
I will give you the previous idea I had to write on our e-letter pop-up (In all honesty): “Join our newsletter, It’s awesome thing to be a part of!” or something along those lines. I was cocky enough to think that my product is so good all I have to do is sit around hire a couple guys to work and it will just SELL ITSELF.
The audacity I had!!!
P.S. This was a business idea I’ve had for a few months so that was the mentality I was going to use to go into, but before pitching it to anyone, I read a few books to see if I can learn to pitch it better.
Fast-forward a few months (I’ve read about dozen books, and read your emails religiously) and now I’m thinking of more ways to ADD VALUE to the customers life.. Although I have faith that my product will sell (Which probably every entrepreneur does, and SHOULD), I am still going to do my make my customers life easier or better, anyway I can.
In short, now we are thinking of having something along the lines of: “What e-mail can I reach you at to share our deals and promos?” Along those lines, we are considering putting in some money to make a competition for when we launch, so if we go with that it’ll be on there too:) (ADDING VALUE TO CUSTOMER).
Again, this is a business idea I am currently still working on starting so this is great to know before already being IN business. By the way, my friend Avery recommended I follow you, how that’s been a blessing!
Am loving this! It’s been slow pickings for me, but I’ll keep chipping away at trying to build my email list.
Thanks Noah for this wonderful tool. I look forward to Monday and Thursday mornings to read what’s next and take action.
Noah, this is great advice, and it’s been around since great copywriters started being preoccupied with consumer psychology in the Mad Men age. It’s good that right now you’re making it contemporary and easy to access.
However, I wonder if in cases where the end goal is making the user go for an emotional transaction rather than an impulse/rational one, it wouldn’t be better to skip the “giveaway” part instead of using it as something that might seem a cheap hook? For the same reason why anchor prices (i.e. $99.9) are less appealing than random prices ($125) for emotional purchases.
What’s your opinion on this, based on your previous experience?
Thank you,
Marius
Thanks for the reminder that if you want something, you have to give something. Whenever I try to concentrate on creating to make money, I stall and get blocked. When I try to create something for somebody, the creative energy flows. So easy to fall into the leach mentality that your emails bring me back to the proper frame of mind. Leach leads to stall leads to frustration leads to anger and disappointment. Giving has led to the best outcomes in my life.
Get new predictable , recurring revenue with just one small reframe of your services even if you typically work project to project.
I changed my list builder copy to “Stop guessing and start saving TIME & MONEY by learning how to eat, exercise, and recover for optimal results.” It has converted at 5.6% the past 2 days according to my stats!
Whoops! We’re still building. But in the meantime, pick up this complimentary guide on…
16 DIFFERENT WAYS TO USE HEALING CRYSTALS
ENTER YOUR EMAIL BELOW FOR INSTANT ACCESS:
[Name]
[Email]
[BUTTON] Give Me Instant Access
LL (Kinda…but I don’t like it so I classify it as such): Love to Travel and Shop?
Join me in exploring the world + 15% off your first order in the shop!
GG (which I have been really racking my brain): Wanna find the best souvenirs when you travel? Get my 5 tips that will help you discover the most unique jewels, art or mementos to bring home from your adventures…like I do PLUS 15% off your first order in the shop!
What do you think?…I also have a popular blog about 7 tips for solo women travelers (which I usually do travel alone when I curate the goods for my shop). REALLY love you guys and love what you do. An Inspiration to me.
Changing our newsletter signup from “Join our mailing list to hear about upcoming shows” to:
GET TWO FREE TICKETS
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